Honest  Entertaining  Funny  

Parents say the darndest things

September 29th, 2006

 

Heart beating in my chest like a big bass drum after a breathless ascent of the Everest like stairs at my son's high school, I very painfully crush my fifty inch gut between a desk and chair in my son's World History classroom.  As I pinch myself in, it feels like something pops, like someone stepped on a Ketchup packet deep inside my gut.  Perhaps my spleen has bit the dust.  I have a fleeting vision of gurneys, flashing red and blue lights and whining sirens.  This open house may end early and with a great deal of excitement.  I am terrified that I might keel over onto the kid sitting next to me and barf in her lap.  My vision blurs and I feel my heart pounding in my temples.  The end seems neer.  Wow, am I out of shape.

Slowly I catch my breath and my heart rate creeps back toward something that won't eventually cause blood to squirt from my tear ducts like a lawn sprinkler.  After a few excruciating moments my ears stop ringing and I notice a very large man, quite a few years older than myself standing in the corner at the back of the room.  I nod to him and he nods back.  An unspoken conversation passes between us in which I silently acknowledge that I am young and stupid and do not know the Tao of standing rather than crushing myself into a desk made for kids only months removed from the onset of puberty.  He in turn reminds me that he was once young and did not know the curse of the desk himself.  I feel comforted.

The teacher is explaining to a parent that reading ahead in the text book won't help his daughter all that much because he doesn't use them.  the teacher explains that the text books are old, falling apart and not well written.  A parent, in fact, the large man in the corner, asks, "Why can't you use the text book to study Egyptian history.  I don't think it's changed too much in the last five thousand years has it?"  I wonder if my faith in the Tao of his path might have been misplaced.  The teacher looks like he just got hit by a bus as he opens his mouth to answer.  The man cuts him off choking out between laughs, "Just kidding.  I'm just kidding man."  My faith in him was NOT misplaced.  The whole class laughs.  He winks at me, as if to say, "Man, I never get tired of doing that."

Tests will be sixty percent of the grade in this class, homework will only count for fifteen percent and students will not be able to get better than a C+ unless they get A's and B's on the Exams.  Seems fine to me.  I had at least one class in high school with a 30% midterm and a 70% final.

One of the mother's begins to loose her composure.  "But... that's not fair... I mean.  You can't DO that.  How is my daughter supposed to get a good grade if you grade based on tests?"

Without flinching the teacher calmly says, "She will have to study for the tests."

"But...  but... she has testing anxiety.  She doesn't do well on tests."

"Studies have shown that test anxiety is caused by poor preparation and that if your daughter studies for the test and is sure of what the answers are she won't have test anxiety."  The teacher straightens his tie.  He has a sad look on his face.

"How's my daughter going to get a good grade?"

"Like I said, she will need to study and do well on the tests if she wants to better than a C+"

The bell, which is more like a shrill shrieking siren like noise, rings or sounds or shrieks or whatever you call what ever it is that it does and we all dutifully shuffle off to our kid's second hour classes.  So the rest of the open house goes, parents shuffling from class to class saying things that just floor me and I'm sure must confound and confuse the teachers.

One parent wanted to know what the teacher was going to do about the fact that her son, an A student, had failed to turn in a lab report which had brought his grade down to a C+.  As if it were the teacher's responsibility to make sure that her son got an A in his class and not her responsibility or her son's.  The teacher's answer, was, "Well, nothing.  Missed assignments count as a zero and cannot be made up."

Such a look of indignance and injustice I have rarely ever seen.

 

People are not here to meet your expectations.
- Dr. Leo Buscaglia

 

My personal favorite though was the Mom that wanted to know why the physics teacher didn't care that her daughter "Didn't get it."

"I didn't know your daughter was having trouble."

"Well, she got an F on the first test, that should have been a damned clue to you, don't you think?"  Exceedingly snippy even for a parent, I thought.  But she was far from done and piled another minutes worth of vitriol out on this poor guy's head.

The teacher paused and collected himself before he answered.  Again, I was amazed at the ability of these teachers to keep their composure.  "I am committed to giving every student in this class as much help as they need, but if they don't ask questions, if they don't raise their hands, I don't know they are confused.  Waiting until after the test is too late."

"What are you talking about?  She is embarrassed to raise her hand.  It's embarrassing to be confused.  Other kids are mean."  I didn't think that they could possibly be as mean as her, but I didn't say anything. "Don't you know anything about being a kid?"

"Now that I am aware that your daughter is having problems I will try to keep an eye out for her and make sure we aren't moving too fast.  But... I have to be honest with you, I will never be able to do as good a job of watching out for her as she could do of watching out for herself.  She needs to decide whether it is more embarrassing to raise her hand and ask a question and admit that she doesn't understand something or if it is more embarrassing to get an F on a test.  Plus, she can always talk to me after class and let me know that she is lost."

"Where did you get your teaching certificate, from the back of a freakin cereal box or something?  Jeez."

I just can't help wondering what has happened with parents.  They seem to be more worried about making sure that nothing unpleasant happens to their children than they are about teaching them personal responsibility or about making sure their children are prepared for life after the sheltered environment of high school.  And, they seem to look upon teachers as if they were an enemy that was standing in the way of their child getting a good grade.  There seems to be no concept of school being for learning or grades being something that the child is in complete control of.

I would say that these kids and parents are going to have a rude awakening when they get to college, but I have noticed a horrible tendency to baby and nurse along young adults in the college environment as well.

It makes me wonder what things will be like when these kids are parents themselves.  What sorts of amazing things will they be saying to teachers at open house?

 

 

Parents are not the sole source of the problem though.  In all fairness to parents schools administrations often seem to foment an adversarial relationship with parents, emanating a sort of we know what's best and you don't attitude.  The following link will take you to the site of a book that is dedicated to negotiating with schools when you believe that you are right and they are wrong.  Book Site




























Hey, it turns out that when parents get involved in the schools their children attend, it helps everyone, the parents, the students and the administration.  The following site is all about how to get involved in your kids school in order to have a positive affect.  Parental Involvement Link.





























These are a few articles about how to help your child do well in school.  Interesting to note, none of them say that you should go to an open house and blame the teacher!

Get Good Grades

Helping With Homework

Helping your Child succeed in School.










































There is lots of information for teachers out there.  This site is dedicated to helping teachers teach more effectively.  Teaching for Teachers.




























There is a correct way to talk to teachers and you can find out what it is here.  How to Talk to Teachers.